Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Did Barry (B-Rock) Obama pull a fast one on Republicans and the American Public?

It appears that a peaceful solution has been found with Syria. Or, well, it's on hold. But, as I think about it, Barry's stance never made much sense. He pushed so hard for intervention, against the wishes of America, Democrats, and many Republicans. Still, he kept pushing. While I didn't watch, supposedly, he made the case on national television last night. Then, when he met Putin, they talked for 20-30 minutes. Within a week, Russia proposes that Syria had over their chemical weapons, and we're on the way to peace. Yeah, so what's the big deal? Well, if Barry wasn't in support of the bombing, Republicans would have taken a conflicting stance because they can. Hell, that's how they do with Barry. But, before that, he didn't even want to ask them. What's the response of the American public and the Republican house going to be? Outrage, pure and simple. Republican and some Democrats call on President Obama to ask congress. Everyone is outraged. The progress is slowed. The evidence remains unclear. The bombing lags, but the military is going in. China and Russia say "hey, don't you do this." Ships move into striking distance. The pressure is on Assad to give up his chemical weapons. Now, Russia and, maybe, China is pushing for a diplomatic solution. By the way, France is behind us! France? This country is supporting us. Weird, right? So, the public is outraged. Russia is looking for some kind of diplomatic solution. Republicans are furious. The invasion is at a standstill, and we might not even go in. Then, it's solved, like that (snaps fingers). Putin (this guy?) has a diplomatic solution. There is no attack. And, the US still wins. Assad's chemical weapons will be taken away, strengthening the rebel's position. The rebels may still have chemical weapons. We can still overthrow Assad without the collateral damage that comes with bombing. Based on President Obama's past history, this is highly unlikely, but, as someone who used to be a fan of him, it's kind of amusing to think that he may have successfully played a game of politics. P. S. This blog has not been proofread or edited.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Free book on Kindle today only: The Future is the Past (A Back to the Future Parody Sequel)

Last fall, I completed a parody sequel to Back to the Future. I wrote it because I thought it'd be fun. I loved the trilogy but also recognized some oddities in it. The story is as follows. It is the very near future, and the 2015 from Back to the Future II is likely not going to occur. Arty (a not so clever play on Marty) works at a lowly job and wonders if his time travel stories were just a delusion. He hasn't seen Doc since he traveled to 1885 and returned to 1985. His life isn't what he hoped it would be, but things take a turn when Doc appears out of no where.

The story is free on Kindle through Thursday.

The Future is the Past: A Back to the Future Parody Sequel

Friday, June 7, 2013

Google searches I'm ashamed for the NSA to see...

With the news that the NSA has been backdooring (not a euphemism) our information from Google, I've compiled a top ten list of embarrassing searches to create some plausible deniability. The list is as follows:

10. Unicorns are real
 9. Unicorn porn
 8. Unicorn Sasquatch porn (I went through a weird phase)
 7. Estelle Getty nude
 6. Rue McClanahan nude
 5. Golden Girls nude
 4. Golden Girls porn
 3. Ryan Gosling nude (this was totally an accident, I swear)
 2. can I get herpes from my dog? (don't ask)
 1. Joey Fatone Lance Bass porn

Most of these are just curiosity searches. There, I have nothing to hide from the NSA except for a few other things.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Batman: Bruce Wayne in Crime Alley

It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that I was angry. I wanted a fight. I wasn't even sure why I was angry. The day I was released from Arkham Asylum, I thought Dr. Pennyworth was going to give me a ride home. As usual, something came up, another life to save. So, I took a cab. Half way through the ride, I changed the destination. He didn't say anything about it. 

The place hadn’t changed much. I heard it was dubbed Crime Alley after my parent’s death. In a lot of ways, I still blamed myself. I know there was nothing I could have done, but we were in that alley because of me, because I couldn’t handle some anxiety.

I walked over the to spot. The image of their bodies flashed through my head. I could feel the anger build up inside of me. There was no stopping it. I wanted to scream. I wanted to let it out. I wouldn’t have to wait long to release it.

“Hey, whacha doin’ here?” 

I hadn't even seen them approach me. The voice came from behind me. I turned to look at them. Four men wearing dark clothing. It was dark enough that I couldn’t see their faces.

“Nothing. Look, I don’t want any trouble.” It was a lie.

“This guy doesn’t want any trouble. You came to the wrong place.”

They kept coming closer to me. The leader pulled a knife from his pocket, a switchblade. He flipped it open.

“I don’t have any money or credit cards on me or anything.” That was true.

“We hear that all the time. It’s never true.”

They were 20 feet away, then 10. I was waiting for the opportunity. The leader was five feet from me, then three. I pulled my wallet out of my back pocket and started to hand it over. I dropped it at his feet. He didn’t fall for the trick.

“Pick it up.”

The other goons didn’t appear to be armed. I picked up the wallet and threw it into his chest. He used both hands to grab it. I followed the throw with a punch to his face. It was the best punch I had landed up to that point in my life. The leader tumbled backward and flipped head over heels. His buddies just watched while I side kicked one in the face and front kicked another in the kidney and the face. They were down, so I moved onto the last attacker.

“Hey, this is the police. FREEZE!”

I looked at the noise and saw the flashing lights. I threw my hands up and stood where I was. The perpetrators took off, bruised and beaten. A plainclothes cop got out of the car. He had a mustache as many cops do.

“What are you, crazy? I saw you walk down here. You’re lucky I showed up when I did. Those guys…”

He steps closer to me and sees the blood on the street.

“Never stood a chance. Who are you?”

“My name is Bruce Wayne. My parents were murdered here. I was just paying my respects.”

“Wayne of Wayne Enterprises? Well, I wouldn’t come here alone, and I’m a cop. Next time you want to visit, I recommend buying some security or at least giving the GPD a call.”

“Sorry, officer. I thought I could handle myself. Thank for your help Officer.. I didn’t catch your name.”

“No, I’m sorry. I never gave it. The name’s Gordon, Jim Gordon. I’m a Sargent in Homicide or, well, I used to be. I’m just on my home if you’d like a ride.”

“I’m out of your way.”

“My wife can cook you dinner, and I can take you home after.”

“Is she a good cook?”

“Not really, but don’t tell her I said that.”

“Alright, that sounds pretty good.”

I got in his car, and we went to his house. His wife, Sarah, cooked an amazing meatloaf. I saw a picture of his son, but he wasn't at the house. I decided not to inquire. His daughter joined us for dinner. She was ten at the time. Dinner was quiet, mostly. I didn’t have much to say anyway. After a while, Jim took me home.

“Mr. Wayne, what are you going to do now?”


“Now, that you’ve overcome your issues.”

“I’ve been in and out of Arkham for a decade. I don’t think it’s the last time I’ll leave.”


“What happened to Gotham? It’s worse than I remember. It only seems to get worse.”

“Four mafia families and a corrupt police force.”

“There are good cops, too? Like you?”

“They are few and far between. It’s so bad that I’ve thought about going back to Chicago. There’s no room for advancement here. Well, I'm not even in homicide anymore.”

“Why is that?”

“A few years ago, I solved a murder involving a mafia hit man. I was told not to solve it. The guy who did it, killed this guy and got high in the scene of the crime and passes out. The dead guy’s wife comes home, calls the cops, and we arrest him. They wanted me to destroy evidence. I said no, and the rest is history.”

“You don’t work homicide anymore?”


“Where do you work?”

“The pawn shop unit.”

“There’s a pawn shop unit?”


“That has to be terrible.”


“What would it take to get Gotham back?”

"Back to what?"

"To where Crime Alley is just Park Row again."

“Bruce, I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Say you had the help of a multi-billionaire. What would you do then?”

"Well, in that case, I have some ideas. Do you think Wayen Enterprises would have anything to offer?"

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Batman: Arkham Asylum attack

In and out of Arkham Asylum for 11 years, I was finally starting to overcome my fears. Bats were nothing after some exposure therapy, and the darkness was starting to become normal, even comforting. Sudden loud noises and the nightmares were other problems that still needed fixing.   

The attack was unexpected. I was 21 at the time and lifting weights. There wasn't much else to do other than some cardio. I’d become strong physically, and I’d learn plenty from the fights that’d broken out and from the constant beatings. Once I moved to the adult floor, I was usually left alone. I finished a set and started to take the weights off when I heard a loud bang behind me. I froze and dropped the 45lb weight. I barely avoided crushing my foot. I stared in shock at the weight on the floor and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Way to go Bruce. You could have broken your foot.” I said under my breathe

Embarrassed, I looked around, but I didn’t notice anyone else except for two men. I put the rest of my weights back and waited for the recess to end. The orderlies disappeared for a few minutes. I did some pull-ups while I waited. The orderlies still weren’t back. I picked up a 10lb weight and swung my arm around. Sometimes, the scar tissue still hurt. I thought of it as more of a psychological than a physical wound.

The other two guys started fighting. I looked around for the orderlies, but they weren’t anywhere to be found. I don't know why I got involved. I guess it's just in my nature. I kept holding the weight and used it to work my way between them. One of them hit me in the face. I didn't expect it at all. The man behind me grabbed me around the neck and waist. The other man pulled out a shiv. Then, I realized, this was no accident. I couldn’t explain what happened inside me. In that moment, I changed…forever. I used the weight to crush the hand around my waist. I dropped down and smashed the weight into his elbow. He let go of me. I hit the shiv as it was lunged toward my eye, just in time, but I found I wasn’t scared. I was exhilarated. I snapped back up and crashed the back of my head into my restrainer’s face. The other man lunged again. The impromptu blade nicked my side, but I backhanded the weight into his nose. He was dazed. I raised the weight above my head and slammed it into his head as hard I could. I heard something crack. The man crumbled to the ground, bleeding from the head.

I turned around and a fist rearranged my face. I swung at him with the weight, but it was a clumsy, stupid attempt. He threw a left hook into my nose. I didn’t know someone could hit so hard. The force knocked out a tooth or two. It was enough for me to drop the weight. I fell to one knee with my hands on the ground. A sharp pain ripped through my side as he kicked me as hard as he could. I rolled on my side and looked at him. My eyes begged “make it quick,” but I had different plans.

The guy was a mountain, but he was bruised and slow. I was beat up too, but I was young and fast. Everyone has a weakness. His was the same as everyone else’s. He stomped down on my face. I caught his foot inches from my face. He had all of his weight on it. I brought my leg up to my face and kicked into his other ankle as hard I could. Something snapped in his leg as he started to do the splits. I twisted his other ankle as he fell on top of me. 

The man didn’t give up. He kept wailing on my body. My left arm was pinned under him. I could barely breathe. I focused on his eyes. I poked at them until he finally got off of me. He stood up and went for the shiv of his friend. Why they only had one, I’ll never know, but I wasn’t going to let him get it. I stood and sprinted toward his hobbling frame and kicked him in the back just as he picked it up.

The force dropped him to the floor. I stood standing behind him. I could see he was bleeding. The man turned toward me. The shiv was buried in his chest, right over his heart. He pulled the shiv out. Blood started spurting from the wound. I thought he’d go down, but the crazy fucker charged at me, limping. I had enough time to pick up a weight. I avoided the shiv lunge and hit him in the face with the weight. I grabbed his arm holding the shiv and smashed the weight into it above his wrist. Still, he held onto the blade. I slammed the weight into his temple. The guy was finally done. He fell like a ton of bricks. Magically, that was when the guards walked back in.

“Where the fuck were you when those fucks were trying to kill me? What the fuck?!”

After the cameras confirmed my story, I didn’t spend much more time at Arkham Asylum.

The Next Chapter

Friday, March 29, 2013

Flash fan fiction: A new beginning to Batman

For a year or longer, I've had a Batman idea rattling around in my head. Slowly aching to come out, I tried to think of a way to get such a story to an audience. I was obviously using someone else's characters, so I thought through my blog would be a good way. I wanted to produce about 500 words at a time, but I realized that this would probably be boring and would take a long time to tell a story that's typically told with pictures. My solution is to write different pieces of flash fiction that combine into a longitudinal narrative. In short, the audience has to fill in some of the gaps, but I don't mind that. So, here is the first part to Batman: A new beginning.

Scared. I was always scared. I was just a child, but I could tell it upset my parents. My dad was never afraid, and my mom got by on his strength. I was a boy, but, someday, I would be a man. I knew I needed to overcome my fear. Two years after the fall and the cave, I was still terrified of flying creatures and the darkness. I could see the look of disappointment every time we had to leave a public place because I couldn't handle it. It would be a long time before I learned to embrace those fears. That night, we exited out the back way into an alley. Immediately, I knew something was different, wrong. My father's pace quickened as did my mother's. I raced to catch up. He noticed that he pulled ahead and stopped. I crashed into his side and somehow ended up in front of him, but I didn't even notice him, the man who would change the course of my life.

"Change?" He asked.

My father was a giving man. He reached for his wallet. Mom watched him. I looked at the surprisingly well dressed man. He didn't look homeless. We'd encountered enough homeless people through my father's charity work for this guy to seem suspicious. I saw his hand move, and I moved in front of my dad. My mom was too far away to protect her. My movement startled him. A flash and a bang disrupted the peacefulness of the night, then another. I was on the ground before I realized what had happened. My mom was dead before she hit the ground. My last image of her was with a bullet hole in her forehead. The first bullet nicked my sub-clavicle artery. The doctor, though bleeding profusely from his abdomen, applied pressure on the wound and saved my life along with the help of one Dr. Pennyworth.  I would find out about his death when I woke from a coma three days later.

Police called it a classic mugging, but the man was no mugger. He was never found, either. It'd take 25 years, but I'd find out the truth about that night.

Part 2 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Calculating megaton blast radius

So, I'm no physicist, but I'm writing a story that involves a large explosion.  I couldn't find a good calculator to just do the calculation, but I also can't create one yet.  However, I can put all of the information together for anyone who's interested.

Let's say you're using a story that involves some sort of relativistic kill vehicle. Say, the object weights 100 kgs and is traveling at 0.1c (c being the speed of light).  Now, Einstein's famous equation is E=mc2 but this is only true when the object is traveling very close to the speed of light.  Normally, the energy equation is E=(1/2)mvand this is still true even at 0.1c. In this equation, m is mass in kilograms, and v is velocity in meters/second.  So, in this case, the energy is ((100/2)((0.l*300,000,000 m/s)(0.1*300,000,000 m/s) which equals (50)*(9x10^14).  This equals 4.5 x 10^16 joules. The amount of energy released by one megaton of TNT is 4.2 x 10^15. So, to figure out the megatons of damage take your energy divided by 4.2 x 10^15 joules.

In this case, it's essentially 45/4.2 (you can subtract the scientific notations: (10^16)-(10^15)=10^1=10. So, there are 10.7 megatons of damage that occur in this case.

Now, let's say something like this hits Earth.  What kind of damage would it cause? To figure out a rough estimate of damage, square root the megatons (sqrt(10.7))=3.27. Then, multiply it by 4 to get the rough blast radius in miles (4 x 3.27=13.08) which is a 13.08 mile blast radius.  This is pretty amazing damage, and the blast radius includes moderate damage.  On the edge of the blast radius, the wind power is still 2 psi which can completely destroy most buildings.  It important to note that this calculation is just a rough estimate, but it's an interesting idea. If someone knows of a calculator, please let me know.

So, things you need to know:  E=(1/2)mv^2; one megaton of TNT releases 4.2 x 10^15 joules; and the speed of light is 300,000,000 m/s (roughly).